More dumbing down of America

WARNING: For all those who think that American society consists of mainly intellectual people, or that we on a whole are smarter than other nations, you may want to skip this part. These labels all came from products people here use everyday!

On a Duraflame fireplace log: "Caution: Risk of Fire."
On a compact disc player: "Do not use the Ultradisc 2000 as a projectile in a catapult."
On a propane torch: "Never use while sleeping."
On a box of rat poison: "Warning-Has been found to cause cancer in labratory mice."
On an air conditioner: "Avoid dropping unit out of window."
On a vacuum cleaner: "Do not use to pick up anything that is currently burning."
On a Batman costume: "Warning-Cape does not enable user to fly."
On a bottle of hair dye: "Do not use as an ice-cream topping."
On a curling iron: "Warning-This product can burn eyes."
On a cardboard windshield screen: "Do not drive with sunshield in place."
On a toner cartridge: "Do not eat toner."
On a toilet bowl cleaning brush: "Do not use orally."
On a pair of shin guards: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."
On a portable stroller: "Caution-Remove infant before folding for storage."
On a plastic, 13-inch wheelbarrow wheel: "Not intended for highway use."
On a laser pointer: "Do not look into laser with remaining eye."
In a microwave oven manual: "Do not use for drying pets."
In the instructions for a digital thermometer: "Do not use orally after using rectally."

These are all honest-to-goodness labels. What bothers me isn't the fact that manufacturers have to warn people about things like this; it's the fact that for them to be added, someone must have done it, or asked the company about it. Scary shit, huh??

This is why I prefer swimming pools

*Sharks can detect the heartbeats of other fish
*Mako sharks have been known to jump into the very fishing boats that are pursuing them.
*Bull sharks have been known to kill hippopotamuses in African rivers
*Approximately 10 times more men than women are attacked by sharks (though this doesn't ease my mind any)
*While in a feeding frenzy, some sharks bite their own bodies as they twist and turn
*A 730-pound mako shark caught off Bimini in the Bahamas contained in it's stomach a 120-pound swordfish--with the sword still intact
*Lemon sharks grow a whole new set of teeth every two weeks
*Sharks have a sixth sense. They can navigate by sensing changes in the earth's magnetic field
*Sharks will continue to atteck even when disemboweled
*Greenland sharks have been observed eating reindeer that fall through ice
*Some sharks can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water
*Bull sharks have been knownt o pursue their victims onto land
*The jaws of an 8-foot shark exert a force of 20 tons per square inch
*The average shark can swallow anything half its size in one gulp
*The original idea for steak knives derived from shark's teeth
*Approximately 100 shark attacks on humans occur world wide each year

So go ahead and scuba dive in those crystal-blue, bath-tub warm waters. Slip ont hat wet suit and dive down to explore. That's their territory, and they were here first. Okay, i give up......they win! Maybe, just maybe, if a shark and his family move into the house next door, I'll be a little more open minded about getting in the ocean.

DON'T

Don't get mad. Don't get even. Just get elected...then get even.
Don't marry a man to reform him-that's what reform schools are for.
Don't ever send a man window shopping. He'll come back carrying a window.
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive.
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you'll have to ram it down their throats.
Don't meet trouble halfway. It's quite capable of making the entire journey.
Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guy's out dancing.
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
Don't blame God, He's only human.
Don't dig for water under an outhouse.
Don't just do something, stand there.
Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

New Rules For Dieters

Ok, it's that season again when I realize it is 6 weeks or so until I will be seen in a bikini. I look better now than I did in high school, and for that I'm extremely grateful. However, having a baby this winter has added a few extra pounds I'd rather not be carrying. So I invented some rules of my own to help shed the poundage.

1. Calories are afraid of heights. My mother taught me this one. You place all your junky, fatty foods on the highest shelves of the cupboard and the calories, who are running for their lives, will simply jump out.
2. Calories consumed while driving or while working on the computer do not count.
3. Any food eaten at parties or picnics or any type of holiday/family affair will not add to your fat factor. It is just not fair to ask your body to fight off food consumed at something you were invited to (this is doubly so if you had to purchase and bring a gift to said party).
4. If you don't remember eating it, it doesn't count either.
5. Eating candy from the kids' Easter baskets doesn't matter. After all, it's their candy, not yours.
6. It is perfectly okay to eat something like broccoli or cauliflower smothered with cheese. Duh! It's broccoli!
7. Any food consumed during the preparation of other food doesn't count.
8. If you haven't eaten anything else at all all day long, half a bag of Cheetos will consume the space in your body that is vacant, and will not add extra fat.
9. If you use a cookie jar that makes noise when opened, or one of those refridgerator policemen, use a piece of duct tape over the speaker, or better yet, take out the batteries. Theory being that if no one hears, it didn't happen.
10. From now on, all the following will count as exercise: Singing in the shower, typing, carrying a heavy laundry detergent bottle from the car to the washing machine, shoe shopping, manicures & pedicures, and of course, brushing your teeth.

Happy dieting, and good luck!

consumerism and new bunk beds

I spent a long day yesterday helping my husband to assemble bunk beds for our two oldest boys. It was one of those kits from Kmart with everything you need laid out nice and simple, but the directions could have been in mandarin chinese for all the help they were. Anyway, I noticed how every single board had a little sticker on it with the number and "Made in Viet Nam" on it. So I'm standing in the kids' room sorrounded by about $2,000 worth of toys that my kids have. Most of them were all bought in the last two years or so, as kids their age tend to cycle through toys pretty quickly. There was enough stuff to fill a land fill in there. At least the boys are grateful, and they do take care of their things. My boys haven't been hit with the worst of consumerism, because we don't get cable or watch regular TV or anything. So I don't have to put up with them begging for toys every five minutes that they see on commercials. But anyway, I'm standing there staring at these stickers thinking that some mal-nourished kid named Yu Phat earned the equivalent of $2.16 spending all day painting the beds for my over-priveledged children. But the worst part is I didn't really mind.

I confess.....

I bite my toenials.
I don't get the Matrix movies.
I think Tom Petty is pretty sexy.
I used to have a crush on Data (the asian kid) from the Goonies.
Donald Sutherland is hotter than Keifer.
Zombie movies totally freak me out, even cheesy ones.
I always wondered how Samwise stayed so chubby even though they did all that walking and climbing and they didn't have much food.

Fuck You, Wizards of the Coast

I have been playing Dungeons and Dragons for roughly half my life. There are two kinds of people in this world: those who have never played D&D, and those of us who weren't like other children. I'm considered 'old school' because I prefer the Advanced D&D 2nd edition over the redone, revamped, and totally incomprehensible 3.0 or 3.5 editions. I recently read "Celebrating 30 years of D&D." And that's why I say fuck you WOTC. Gary Gygax (for those of you who don't know--first of all why are you reading this post, and 2nd of all, he's the father of D&D and RPGs in general) is mentioned about twice in the whole book. It's like WOTC is saying, Gary Gygax didn't invent the pen, he just found a way to put the ink in it. They give him no credit at all. WOTC bought out TSR during desperate times, and personally I think they destroyed it. Commercialized it. Let's face it. ( And I can say this because I am a gamer) D&D is not a hip cool game for hip cool people. D&D is a game that requires creativity and imagination. It's for us people with pale skin who weren't that great at sports to unleash themselves into a world of complete fantasy. If you ask me, there is still nothing more fun then sitting down at my kitchen table with 4 or 5 friends with character sheets, dice and pencils for a marathon gaming session. If you've ever played you know. If you haven't, then you never will.

Don't complain to me, complain to the manufacturer

I'm now 6 1/2 months pregnant and I still smoke. I've cut down, but I haven't quit. Mainly, I don't smoke in public anymore, because my belly is finally starting to poke out, and I get sick of the dirty looks and rude comments. But honestly, I know I don't have the only bad habit. Because my insurance sucks (state issue medical card) I am forced to go to the clinic at the hospital instead of seeing a private doctor. It's horrible there. A giant, unprofessional cattle call. Me and 30 other pregnant women. The nurses frown at me and give me lectures when I say I'm still smoking, but they say nothing to the girl sitting across from me with a 1 liter of Mountain Dew in her hand. No one says anything to a pregnant woman sitting in Burger King with 2 Whoppers, a super size fry and soda in front of her. Or to the pregnant woman who sits on her ass watching Dr Phil and Ricki Lake all day. I don't drink soda or eat fast food. My kids and I walk everywhere. So you're saying that me smoking 8 or 10 cigarettes a day is killing myself and my baby?!?! Back in the 50s, smoking was vogue. It was in. It was cool. Everyone did everywhere. You smoked in stores and doctors offices. Babies were born looking around the room for an ashtray to park their Lucky Strikes. Now don't tell me cigarettes are any worse today than they were forty years ago. The dangers are all still there. Yet surprisingly, we have a whole generation grown up whose mothers smoked and they are fine for the most part. Let me sum this whole rant up with one example, one that I know personally. I smoked during my 1st pregnancy (pot as well as tobacco), but I also filled myself with the best foods I could get my hands on. Lots of milk and oj, fresh fruit & veggies, whole grains and lean meats. No caffeine, no sugar. Plenty of exercise. My kids are 2 of the healthiest specimens you will ever see. My sister-in-law smoked cigarettes, drank soda by the quart, ate fast food, pizza, cookies and chips everyday. Her idea of home-cooking or fresh food was frying the fish sticks and french fries herself. Both of my nephews are behind developmentally. WAY behind. The 8 year old has major hearing & speech issues, and the 4 year old has the mentality and behaviour of a 2 yr old. There's my example, make of it what you will.

25 Things I've Learned In 24 Years

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the numbers of helicopters in it.
2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe "Daylight Savings Time."
3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.
4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.
5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
6. A penny saved is worthless.
7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now when there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms in the Middle East will still be bitter enemies.
8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
9. The one thing that untes all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside we all believe we're better drivers than every body else.
10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is: age 11.
11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need a new concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of possible plot premises, it spits out, "Three Quirky But Attractive Young People Living In An Apartment." And then the next time they need something it comes out with "Six Quirky But Attractive Young People Living In An Apartment." And so on. We need to locate this ocmputer and destroy it with hammers.
14. Nobody is normal.
15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:
*The universe is even bigger than they thought!
*There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
*Whatever they announced last year about global

The big picture

I think God might've known a little something about what he was doing when he put families together. Not always, because there are plenty of exceptions to the rule. But mostly I think he had the right idea. By placing certain people together, things usually fall into place. This happens by birth, adopting, fostering, step-parenting and integrated families. Sometimes things just work out in the way they were meant to. My family for instance. Both my parents and my older brother are down right terrified of spiders. My brother has of late tried to overcome his fear by watching movies & documentaires, but he still doesn't get closer that a foot or so to the terrariums in the zoo. I, on the other hand, can pluck them off my shirt or brush them away without a second thought. So, since I became old enough, I have been the spider and other creepy bug displacer in my family. My parents are out-and-out treehuggers. They shudder at the thought of harming ANY living creature. Except, duh, spiders. My father will not step on a spider. He will instead reach for a can of Raid and (not, he doesn't just give the poor arachnid a spritz or 2) he will hold the can and spray until the thing drowns instead of just being poisoned. So I think God knew what he was doing by placing me with these insane people. It was his way of insuring that these 3 people do not end up standing on chairs shrieking at a daddy-long-legs for the rest of their lives. Now, that happened by birth right. But when I think of my family now, my husband and 2.5 children, this is what I mean by the right people coming together at the right time. They are all allergic to wasps, bees and hornets. Their reactions go from moderate to severe. If I get stung, I pluck out the stinger and go about my business with just a bump and a little pain. So now I am also the flying-insect dispenser. No I don't think either of these was an accident. He saw a need, an opening you could say, and I fit the bill. I'm not saying I'm the completely unpertable one in this place. I have my own hang-ups and things that give me the creeps. But mainly it's dead things. We've had quite a few of our lizards & frogs die over time, and I simply can't go near the tank until it is disposed of. I've called my sister-in-law to walk to my house and remove a dead frog from his tank so I could walk through the room again. My husband just reaches in and pulls whatever out and stuffs it into a bag. So, our hodge-podge family might just seem that way on the surface. None of it was coincidental or anything. We got in each others way on purpose, because we had to for one reason or another. No, I wouldn't call it fate, destiny or even ka. Just the big picture.

JKR, HBP and APWBD

Okay, so she killed Dumbledore. Can't say I'm shocked, exactly. Afterall, we can't honestly expect Potter to live happily ever after considering all that's happened to him. That's just about it as concerns my reviews of the book. I must say, though, that I'm happy that Harry isn't quite so much of a little asshole in book 6.

My post today is about the people I met the night I went and bought the book. My brother, sister-in-law and myself went to one of the midnight sales at our local bookstore. The people there were about 30% kids, 70% adults. Also not very surprising. We are not HP geeks. We simply waited 2 years for this frigging book. A lot of the kids were dressed up. Even more adult were dressed up than kids. While in line, we had the good fortune to be standing in line in front of Hagrid. (No, not Robbie Coltrane) This was (I assume) a reasonably sane adult male of overlarge size who decided it would be a good idea to don a large over coat, shaggy wig & beard, and speak in the worst phony British voice I have ever heard. FOR TWO HOURS! The three of us were biting our lips and insides of our cheeks so hard that it hurt to talk the next day. But wait! There's more! After wending our way through to the back of the store, we had to wend our way back up to the cash register to actually purchase the book. (And believe me, the temptation to skim through the last chapter or so of the book and reveal the spoilers out loud was extremely tempting.) I noticed that my dear friend 'Hagrid' also purchased a few other gems, including: "The Christian wisdom of the Jedi religion" "Being a Wizard in a Muggle World" and (I saved the best for last) "Releasing the Wizard in You: How to break free of your Muggle chains". I can only wonder, where was he carrying his pink umbrella?

may God grant a Y chromosome

Okay, this whole baby thing again........
My husband decided he's going to name the baby. We won't even know what is it for another month or so. But, he has already decided on a name for either. I'm not going to disclose the names at the moment. The boy name isn't too bad. I could live with it. Which I know isn't how you're supposed to feel about your child's name, but I'll take whatever I can get. However, the girl name he has choosen is so bad, that I actually lie awake at night scared to death its going to be a girl. There's been a few times that I have cried over this. I am honetsly petrified that I'll burst into tears at the ultrasound if it shoes we're having a girl. Beofer he broke out these names, I really couldnt't have cared less which we got. We have two boys, so it would've been alright to make 3 of a kind. On the other hand, since we do have 2 boys, a girl would've been a nice change of place.
But since the advent of this atrocious name, I am praying for another boy. What am I supposed to do in a situation like this? I've told him over and over and over again how I feel about it. But, he just shakes his head with this smile on his face and say's "Nope, it's gonna be ______ for a girl" like it's a joke or something. No parenting magazine has ever covered this particular subject. I've conisdered what options I do have, and they all look terrifyingly bleak:
1. I could consider widow-hood before the birth.
2. Secretly pay off the nurses to switch babies.
3. Dope him up after the birth and fill out the certificate while he's out cold.
4. Tell him that the name he's picked turns out to be the #1 ranked name for little girls in Iraq.
5. Reverse psychology: start using the name so often he wants to throw up every time he hears it.
6. Point out ugly babies and say "Hey, her name is ____, too!"
7. Tell him it translates to a swear word in Swahilli/Eskimo/ or other obsure language.
8. Finally, give in and let him name the baby and just call her "It" or "Hey You"

I'd be stupid not to do this!

I am finally getting used to having a stranger moving in with us. Someone who will constantly demand things from me and run my life in general. Also, it's probably going to cost me an arm and a leg to give them room, board and food. The worst part is, the authorities will come after me if I even hint about throwing them out.

Now, for all you stupid people...you know who you are (maybe you don't know who you are!) this means we're having a baby. The baby books and child-rearing books never put it like I just did. Here's my example of baby-book-ese translated into English for all you wanna-be parents:

1. Having a child will change your life. Translation: Your life will never never be the same.

2. A baby is a joy to welcome into the family. Translation: As long as you are not the parents. It certaintly is wonderful for the grandparents, aunts and cousins who can come and visit, and then get to go home to their nice, quiet, clean house when the kid starts wailing.

3. Bonding with your baby is a wonderful thing. Translation: It sure is. Especially if you are a nursing mother. Nothing like sitting on the couch with your shirt over your head for 12 hours a day and a kid attached to the front of you to get a really strong bond going.

You probably think I am being way too negative, or, you're pyscho-analyzing me and thinking I'm scared out of my wits. (You'd be right on both counts, by the way) But this is actually going to be kid #3. I know the tricks and turns. I know how to wash the baby without drowning him, and I've yet to put a diaper on backwards.

All I'm saying is come into my home on a bad day. Then snap a few pictures. This would be the new poster for birth control.

TV's Rules To Live By

"Remember: the Eagle may soar but the weasel never gets sucked up into a jet engine." --Rick Simon, Simon and Simon
"The first thing to do when you're being stalked by an angry mob with raspberries, is to release a tiger." --John Cleese, Monty Python's Flying Circus
"Always enter a strange hotel room with extreme caution, especially one with a samurai warrior in it." --Thomas Magnum, Magnum P.I.
"If you can't fight 'em, and they won't let you join 'em, best get out of the county" --Pappy Maverick, Maverick
"Just keep laughin'" --Bozo the Clown, Bozo's Circus
"The older you get, the better you get-unless you're a banana." --Rose, The Golden Girls
"Like my old skleenball coach used to say, 'Find out what you don't do well, then don't do it.' " --Alf, ALF
"As we say in the sewer, if you're not prepared to go all the way, don't put your boots on in the first place." --Ed Norton, The Honeymooners
"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape."
--Groucho Marx, You Bet Your Life
"It's been the lesson of my life that nothing that sounds that good ever really happens." --Alex Reiger, Taxi
"Never wear polyester underwear if you're going to be hit by lightning."
--Roz, Night Court
"A watched cauldron never bubbles." --Morticia Addams, The Addams Family

my empty marble bag

**What kind of person am I that I can feed 4 pairs of socks into the washer two at a time, and when I retrieve them from the dryer have a total of 7 or 9?
**How come I'm never informed I have a Spongebob sticker on my butt until I've spent 6 hours walking around a zoo?
**I put fishsticks on a baking sheet. Then I put them in the oven at the alloted temperature for the alloted time. So how can they be burnt to a crisp outside and frozen inside? (Sheer haute cuisine, I suspect)
**Why do I always choose the check-out lane and get stuck behind the little old lady who has to write a check for $3.64 to pay for her bananas and loaf of bread?
**If a 7 year old tells you you're a bad driver, is it okay to give him a crack upside his head?
**Why do I feel old because I remember the words to the Fraggle Rock theme song, and how come I'm the only one who remembers the Fraggles anyhow?
(Gobo, Red, Mokey, Boober, Wimbley....and don't forget the Gorgs and the Doozers!)
**Why do people get rude with me when they get a call-waiting beep and leave me on hold in phone limbo, so I hang up?
**Do telemarketers have souls?

The joy of the 4th percentile

My birth control pills, which I have been taking since I was 16 (minus the 9 months or so with the twins) are said to be 96% effective. Needless to say, my husband is strutting around because he is now in that ever-elusive 4th percent of guys. Which also, needless to say, means we'll have another member joining this dysfunctional family this coming winter. His super sperm have no limits, apparently. Happy happy. Joy joy. Cry with us? Rejoice with us? I'll let you know.

My own personal Monster-in-Law

I know, I know. All the stories about horrid mothers-in-law are so cliche. But I was awoken at 11:oo pm last night to be informed my own personal horror would be visiting us today. I would rather have been awoken and told that our front porch collapsed, or the street sweeper destroyed my truck, or even that one of the boys was suddenly a female or something. My husband has no warm and cozy feeling sof rhis mother, either. She visits us once every six months for an hour or two. in another cliche, nothing I do is right. I'm too young for my husband (I really must do something to remedy that), I'm a bad housekeeper, a bad cook, a bad mother. The kids are 4. They always have scatches, bruises and scraped knees. But as soon as she spots one of them, she'll grab them and turn them to me, and this is how the dialogue goes:
MIL: "What happened? What did you do?"
me: "He fell down, Joyce."
MIL: "Why did you let him fall down?"
me: "I didn't let him fall I pushed him down!"
So, now I must be off to clean and polish my house. Maybe I should loofah down my lizards so that any shedding skin doesn't offend her eyes or something. Also, I have to abuse my children a little, so that she can play affectionate-and-caring-grandmother. Plus, I have to throw all my husband's clothes into the yard and grub them up a little, and then leave them in a basket outside the laundry room. (That's a little extra so she can say I'm not taking care of him, either) If I knew what plane she was coming in on, I'd call in a bomb threat. Her #1 reason I'm a horrible person who should not be entrusted with anything? (For real here, people) I'm a natural blue-eyed blonde that stands 5' 7" and weigh 130 lbs. Apparently to her, I don't look "real" and I will probably abandon my family and run off with some Latino lover, only to end up whoring myself on the street for $10 a trick.
On a side note that is completely, totally unrelated: Does anyone know where I can pick up some arsenic cheap? Or possibly belladonna?

Drywall, drywall everywhere, yet all our walls are cracked

My husband has his own, very successful, drywall business. He works for a home manufacturer across the river in Pennsylvania. He is very good at what he does. So why does every wall in our house have cracks in it? First of all, we rent our home. Its large, and old, and contains two rambunctious boys, numerous lizards, frogs, hamsters and such. I guess it's the old adage about the shoemakers kids' going barefoot. He never has the time for our house. But there is dryed up joint compound all over the place. Anyone who's been near the stuff knows that when it dries, it crumbles easily and falls off clothing, skin, etc. I'll tell you this story real quick. One of the boys started running a fever that kept climbing to about 103 degrees. We took him to the ER, and he was diagnosed with an inner ear infection. (Which neither boy has had in his life) While the doc was examining his ear, he noticed a large, infected cut near his eardrum. Cleaning it, he found......a chunk of drywall compound. Resulting from: A wet-willy given to him by his dad when dad had some drywall under his fingernails. How did a normal person like me end up in a life like this?

I'm telling Dr. Phil that you ruined my childhood memories

My heart has sunk. All is lost. Nothing will ever be the same again. They have remade Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. This is the end for me. Johnny Depp cannot be Willy Wonka. It's not right. It's sacrilege, damnit. Gene Wilder is the only Willy Wonka. Why are they doing this to me??? What have I done wrong??? And, now I also hear that a remake of Revenge of the Nerds is in the making. And Howard Stern has redone Porky's. Is nothing sacred? What will I have to look back on after this? Ashton Kutcher as Gilbert and Sean William Scott as Booger? NO!!!! What about PeeWee and Meat? Oh Lord this can't be happening. What next....a remake of Labyrinth, or maybe Sesame Street's Follow That Bird? (Shit, now I went and gave them more ideas)

Why creepazoid??

The first andonly time I have ever heard of this phrase was in a Stephen King book, The Dark Half. It's used to describe a slimy reporter that's a waste of air. But that's not why I chose it. It seems this little guy brought out the worst in everyone. And that seems to be my specialty. Since I started this blog, my husband and they guys who work for him read it everyday to see what I've posted. They've seen I pulled my brother (who's like my best friend), my parents, and even my kids into the mix. They're scared to death of the day they'll see something about themselves. I have the unusual talent to be able to always see the darker, more cynical side of things. In other words, I bring out the worst. People who spend long periods of time in my company generally come to like me. But sometimes my mouth says things before my brain can stop them. So, their baser natures come out in my prescence. And in life, as in the blog, I tell the truth. So one day, I'll have to describe the circus, uh.... I mean his work crew. And I'll probably just tell them I didn't post anything that day.