TV's Rules To Live By

"Remember: the Eagle may soar but the weasel never gets sucked up into a jet engine." --Rick Simon, Simon and Simon
"The first thing to do when you're being stalked by an angry mob with raspberries, is to release a tiger." --John Cleese, Monty Python's Flying Circus
"Always enter a strange hotel room with extreme caution, especially one with a samurai warrior in it." --Thomas Magnum, Magnum P.I.
"If you can't fight 'em, and they won't let you join 'em, best get out of the county" --Pappy Maverick, Maverick
"Just keep laughin'" --Bozo the Clown, Bozo's Circus
"The older you get, the better you get-unless you're a banana." --Rose, The Golden Girls
"Like my old skleenball coach used to say, 'Find out what you don't do well, then don't do it.' " --Alf, ALF
"As we say in the sewer, if you're not prepared to go all the way, don't put your boots on in the first place." --Ed Norton, The Honeymooners
"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape."
--Groucho Marx, You Bet Your Life
"It's been the lesson of my life that nothing that sounds that good ever really happens." --Alex Reiger, Taxi
"Never wear polyester underwear if you're going to be hit by lightning."
--Roz, Night Court
"A watched cauldron never bubbles." --Morticia Addams, The Addams Family