How to Feed a 9 Month Old Baby

Okay, so you have this baby, and its hungry. You should be used to this by now...right? Well, he's a guide for those who are not quite beginners.

1. Retrieve hungry crying baby from under the table/ behind the chair/ out of the laundry room.
2. Place him in highchair or other desired feeding aparatus. Once he climbs out, place him in it again.
3. Securely attach a bib to the front of baby. Staples work best, but all but the most stalwart of babes will cry. Try SuperGlue.
4. Gather jars of baby food and spoon.
5. If need, heat food in microwave.
6. Place a large protective mat over you, floor and anything else non-washable in the immediate vicinty.
7. Spoon food into baby's mouth. Now stop him from crying. The food was too hot? Next time check the temperature, idiot.
8. Spoon more food into baby's mouth.
9. Now wipe that spoonful off baby's cheek, chin, forehead, whatever.
10. Retrieve spoon after baby whacks it (complete with pureed spinach) out of your hand.
11. Continue until baby is full, or food is gone.
12. Get large bucket of soapy water and scrub off highchair, walls, etc.
13. Call the drycleaners for a quote on how much it will cost to get pureed spinach out of wool.
14. Wait two hours and start all over again.