Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Advertising Writers Just Aren't Putting In The Effort They Used To.......

Commercials and advertising in general is a big business, right? And commercials cost a lot of money to film & air, right? My vast years of movie-watching have of course made me an expert on this.

So I am going to describe what is officially the Dumbest Ad Ever. And I think you will agree.

Firstly, it starts off with Brooke Shields. This should be all the evidence you need, but I'll continue. If you are using Shields as your spokeswoman, you have already lost your "edge."

Anyway, Brooke goes on to describe some stuff I didn't really listen to.

Then I hear this: "For the health of my mouth, my dentist recommends Colgate Total." And about 1.6 seconds after this we have a shot of the dentist who says "For the health of your mouth, I recommend Colgate Total."

Ooooooookay.

I am assuming this bit of dialogue was written by the janitor while the Ad Team was on a lunch break. Come on people, you have about 20-30 seconds to grab my attention and make me want to buy your product. Redundant much?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Top Ten Things the World Can Do Without

I have spent the last few weeks watching cable and....well, actually just watching cable. Not much else has gotten done. I have been inundated with the "Top" lists: Ten Best Bikini Bodies, Ten Fatal Women, Twenty Horrifying Hollywood Murders. (And who decides these anyway? I know I wasn't consulted. I think that #12 of that last list should be the death of the show FARSCAPE, but of course nobody asked me!) So I have made my own list.

10 THINGS THE WORLD CAN DO WITHOUT (the television edition):

10) Bilingual cartoons. Uno! Dos! Tres! How cute. Now teach the kids something they might really need to translate in life. Hey boys and girls: ¡Hice una bomba en forma de tubo hoy!

9) Kendra and other "celebrity" reality shows. (You're on TV because you're famous: you're famous because you're on TV. Do you see the vicious cycle?) But especially Kendra. That laugh make my brain itch.

8) Ads for Viagra and Viagra rip-offs. Does anyone else find these as creepy as I do? Trust me, if a guy wants/needs it, he'll Google it.

7) CD compilations and anthologies of music nobody listened to or bought the first time it was released.

6) Pitch men. These guys will get enthusiastic about hamster food if they're paid enough.

5) Celebrity reality shows. Oh wait, I mentioned that one already? I guess that's because the world can really really do without them.

4) Any show that has "Dumbest" or "Wildest" in the title. Even if it has D-List celebrity commentators. Especially if it has D-List celebrity commentators.

3) Kate. Jon + 8 can stay. For now.

2) Any television program that shows me how I can transform my moderate suburban home into a moderate suburban home with a $15,000 laundry room.

1) The combining of celebrity couple names. 'Nuff said.