A conversation about family heirlooms has brought back some old memories.
When I was 6, my grandmother died, though my grandfather was still alive and kicking. My grandparents were depression-era, so they didn't really have a lot of 'stuff.' Though what they did have was well-cared for and very nice.
My family at the time was (and still is) very close. But mainly the ones who looked after and spend time with my GPs were my father, his sister, and her family. My father had one other sister who had 4 daughters, and each of those daughters had spawn. I mean kids.
I was only 6 at the time, but there is something I remember clearly. My cousins (much older than I and most were already married with families) and a few aunts and uncles were going through GPs very small house and marking items with their initials on masking tape. Hey people! See that old man over there? This is his house and his stuff. And last time I checked, he was still breathing! You wanna lay off the greed for 5 minutes!?! And also the last time I checked, you came to visit this man maybe once a year. Didn't you just get mad at him for not knowing your kids' names? That's because he's hardly ever seen you or your spawn (kids, I meant kids).
Fast forward 5 years to when grandfather dies. Because of his religion, there is no will. Same greedy relatives come pouring out of the highly polished woodwork. And Cousin M? Nice try on getting the house, but Pap had already signed over the deed to his other daughter. The one who remembered him. (Good thinking Pap, I always knew you were a shrewd old guy)
In the end, the relatives that cared for my GPs ended up with very few of his possessions. But we got what we cared about. See while we were busy, you know, actually mourning the death of the family patriarch, the greedy relatives were busy carrying the lamps, dishes and end tables out the back door.
Monday, February 25, 2008
The Battle of The Brands
Well, battle of the corporations really, but I thought that title sounded too spiffy to pass up. I'm going to relate a story involving 2 huge and well-known corporations. If you can deduce the particulars, good for you.
I was the recipient of a High-Priced, High-End Electronic Unit (HPHEEU...but we'll shorten that to EU for the stupid people, you know who you are......maybe you don't know who you are) as a lovely Christmas gift. This EU has many functions, but is primarily known and used for only one. Which was the intent with which it was purchased for me. (okay, end of hokey legalese language, I swear)
This EU was manufactured by Huge Conglomerate #1 (HC1) and sold by Huge Conglomerate #2 (HC2).
The EU was used sporadically from Christmas time until just a short week ago. So basically, about 2 months. One day, a VCR tape was inserted into EU and jammed. Literally jammed. Not going in, not coming back out. EU shut down and refused to power back up. Now, me being a human begin who has walked this earth for almost 3 decades, I decided to troubleshoot. Nada. Because of the nature of this EU, I was not about to try and extricate the tape and possibly damage the EU or make it unusable for its main purpose. So I decided to contact the customer service number for HC1.
That was my first mistake.
Did I insert the tape normally or was it forced? Sorry ma'am, but I've been using a VCR for pert near 20 years. It was inserted normally. It won't power on...okay, did you check to make sure all the cords and wires were connected properly? Why didn't I think of that?!? Of course I checked, stupid.
Basically, I started out being as polite as I possibly could, but it all went down hill from there.
The receipt was located by the givers of this EU. We discover it was purchased 5 days before HC1's 90 warranty policy. So basically, sorry, we can't help you unless you'd like to pay $XXX and ship the EU back to us. Where we will examine it and get it back to you within 8-12 weeks. Did it matter that the EU was not even used for 30 days after it was purchased? Certainly not. And of course, the service fee could only be paid by money order or cashiers check, and I would be responsible for shipping costs. And insurance if I wanted to be sure the EU actually made it there and back in one piece.
Frustration rising. I decide to place hope over experience and try to contact the place where EU was purchased, HC2. HC2 is not known for its friendliness or excellent customer service. I seriously doubted they would take back the defective machine since it was past the 90 mark for them as well.
Here's the pleasantly surprising happy ending. HC2 is willing to take back the EU provided I have the original receipt (check) the original box and everything that came with EU. (Hehehe...I am such a packrat...I had it all!)
We box up the EU and take it to HC2. When we arrive at customer service and present our issue, the CS workers have already been informed of it. Turns out, the man I talked to on the phone called ahead to let them know I was coming, and to accept the EU. What?!?!? You mean I didn't have to try and explain my problem to 6 different people 10 different times? Excellent!
But wait, there's more......
When we go back into the electronics department, Man from the Phone (MP) is there to help me pick out a replacement EU that matched the features of the one I had. They were sold out of the original EU, and I wouldn't have wanted the same type anyway. MP even carried the new EU back to the customer service desk to help with the exchange. I was in shock I tell you. Pure shock. I walked out of HC2 expecting the Customer Service Gestapo to pull me up and explain that it was all only a test or something.
The best part in all of this? MP tells me that to get credit, HC2 will ship it back to HC1 for service. Which HC1 will do for free. And then EU will be sold as a refurbished unit for about half the original selling price. HC1 really screwed themselves by not just fixing my EU in the first place! Ah...wonderful irony.
Okay, I lied again, as I seem to so often do around here.
EU was a DVD recorder. HC1 was Magnavox and HC2 was Walmart. I think Walmart deserves a little credit here.
I was the recipient of a High-Priced, High-End Electronic Unit (HPHEEU...but we'll shorten that to EU for the stupid people, you know who you are......maybe you don't know who you are) as a lovely Christmas gift. This EU has many functions, but is primarily known and used for only one. Which was the intent with which it was purchased for me. (okay, end of hokey legalese language, I swear)
This EU was manufactured by Huge Conglomerate #1 (HC1) and sold by Huge Conglomerate #2 (HC2).
The EU was used sporadically from Christmas time until just a short week ago. So basically, about 2 months. One day, a VCR tape was inserted into EU and jammed. Literally jammed. Not going in, not coming back out. EU shut down and refused to power back up. Now, me being a human begin who has walked this earth for almost 3 decades, I decided to troubleshoot. Nada. Because of the nature of this EU, I was not about to try and extricate the tape and possibly damage the EU or make it unusable for its main purpose. So I decided to contact the customer service number for HC1.
That was my first mistake.
Did I insert the tape normally or was it forced? Sorry ma'am, but I've been using a VCR for pert near 20 years. It was inserted normally. It won't power on...okay, did you check to make sure all the cords and wires were connected properly? Why didn't I think of that?!? Of course I checked, stupid.
Basically, I started out being as polite as I possibly could, but it all went down hill from there.
The receipt was located by the givers of this EU. We discover it was purchased 5 days before HC1's 90 warranty policy. So basically, sorry, we can't help you unless you'd like to pay $XXX and ship the EU back to us. Where we will examine it and get it back to you within 8-12 weeks. Did it matter that the EU was not even used for 30 days after it was purchased? Certainly not. And of course, the service fee could only be paid by money order or cashiers check, and I would be responsible for shipping costs. And insurance if I wanted to be sure the EU actually made it there and back in one piece.
Frustration rising. I decide to place hope over experience and try to contact the place where EU was purchased, HC2. HC2 is not known for its friendliness or excellent customer service. I seriously doubted they would take back the defective machine since it was past the 90 mark for them as well.
Here's the pleasantly surprising happy ending. HC2 is willing to take back the EU provided I have the original receipt (check) the original box and everything that came with EU. (Hehehe...I am such a packrat...I had it all!)
We box up the EU and take it to HC2. When we arrive at customer service and present our issue, the CS workers have already been informed of it. Turns out, the man I talked to on the phone called ahead to let them know I was coming, and to accept the EU. What?!?!? You mean I didn't have to try and explain my problem to 6 different people 10 different times? Excellent!
But wait, there's more......
When we go back into the electronics department, Man from the Phone (MP) is there to help me pick out a replacement EU that matched the features of the one I had. They were sold out of the original EU, and I wouldn't have wanted the same type anyway. MP even carried the new EU back to the customer service desk to help with the exchange. I was in shock I tell you. Pure shock. I walked out of HC2 expecting the Customer Service Gestapo to pull me up and explain that it was all only a test or something.
The best part in all of this? MP tells me that to get credit, HC2 will ship it back to HC1 for service. Which HC1 will do for free. And then EU will be sold as a refurbished unit for about half the original selling price. HC1 really screwed themselves by not just fixing my EU in the first place! Ah...wonderful irony.
Okay, I lied again, as I seem to so often do around here.
EU was a DVD recorder. HC1 was Magnavox and HC2 was Walmart. I think Walmart deserves a little credit here.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Dear Person Who May Never Enter My Home Again
Dear Person (formally known fondly as 'Friend')
It was unexpected to see you the other evening. I would have said it was an unexpected pleasure, but unfortunately I cannot tell a lie. Well I can, but I don't want to.
It has been many months since you had graced our home with your presence. Initially seeing you brought us joy. And then you had to go and open your mouth. The joy evaporated soon after.
I can only say that you seemed to have changed so drastically since your last visit that I can only hope one of two things has happened to you. Either A) You contracted some rare condition that caused you to develop a major personality disorder, or B) Your evil twin/clone was sent in your place. That said, we still tried very hard to spend a tolerable evening with you.
It so happened that when you arrived dinner was almost completely prepped. Luckily it was that much-beloved crowd pleaser: pizza. Ah, pizza, so versatile! A yummy favorite that can accomodate innumerous dietary restrictions and varied accounts of taste. I was glad that I had chosen to make 2 of those 8 inch medium sized cheesy wonders.
Your single glance at the 'adult' pizza told me that you would not be partaking of it. (I guessed as much by your comments of "Ewwww, onions make me gag!" and "Yuck....banana peppers. Nasty!" These comments were of course, accompanied by unneccesary facial contortions, hand gestures, and the timeless 'fake-vomit' gesture.) This was all actually a good thing, since my husband generally likes to eat a whole one of these himself.
So you had to resort yourself to grazing over to the 'kids' pizza. Classic pepperoni and cheese at its finest. What you are not aware of is this: the children and I cannot consume a whole of these pizza pies in one evening. I know this, and I still make too much on purpose. You see, reheated pizza is one of the best lunches a busy mom can have. But guests are guests, and I consigned myself to not having seconds on the following day. What I didn't consign myself to was not even being able to eat firsts! You really should make a note to yourself that a guest should not help themselves to six slices of an eight-slice pizza.
But all that aside, Person, for now at least. We have two major areas of congregation in our home. The study is mostly off limits to guests, as that is where school studies and work are dealt with. The other is the living room. Cluttered, comfy and inviting.
Person, I know you realize we have an extensive collection of videos and DVDs available to watch. This does not mean I am a rental agency. So no, I wouldn't let you take just those 7 DVDs with you to watch at your other friend's house. This also does not mean that you can take the disc I was watching out of the player and pick your own from the shelf. Especially not when the movie of your choosing happens to be a 2 and a half hour badly dubbed French werewolf movie that I have already viewed 42 times.
The thing about my house is, Person, that I keep a variety of pillows and blankets folded (quite out of the way) in the corner of the living room. These come in handy when you want to wrap up on the couch, or when the children have friends over for sleepovers. I am, also, very particular about these items. You see, I would not let you crawl into my personal marriage bed to get comfortable. So I don't know why you thought it would be okay to dig through the pile of (neatly folded) blankets to find "the softest one." Do you wonder why you couldn't find it? Because, I had the 'softest one.' Strange how I like things like that in the comfort of my own dwelling.
Now despite all of the above mentioned things there is one finality that I cannot overlook. See, I put up with a lot from you that evening. Not the least of which was that you dropped by unannounced at 6 pm on a Monday evening after a long 3-day weekend. The problem was that apparently you didn't notice something I figured was quite obvious. After 9 pm, when the children were bathed and sent to bed, did you not wonder why my husband and I had quit contributing to the conversation and were trying (without too much subtlety) to hide our yawns? I know you lead a mostly responsibility-free existence, but a lot of us do not. Yes I am aware that I work from home, and that the boys are homeschooled. That does not mean we do not rise early. When i finally ushered you out of the hosue at 11 pm did you not notice the coldness of my goodbye? Or the fact that I hastily shut the door behind you? Or the sound of the deadbolt being quickly thrown into place? Or maybe the fact that I turned the porch light off before you had even reached our front steps?
Maybe not. But I do hope notice that I will not be answering your knock in the future.
Yours Truly (Fed Up),
Occupants of the Home You Will Never Enter Again
It was unexpected to see you the other evening. I would have said it was an unexpected pleasure, but unfortunately I cannot tell a lie. Well I can, but I don't want to.
It has been many months since you had graced our home with your presence. Initially seeing you brought us joy. And then you had to go and open your mouth. The joy evaporated soon after.
I can only say that you seemed to have changed so drastically since your last visit that I can only hope one of two things has happened to you. Either A) You contracted some rare condition that caused you to develop a major personality disorder, or B) Your evil twin/clone was sent in your place. That said, we still tried very hard to spend a tolerable evening with you.
It so happened that when you arrived dinner was almost completely prepped. Luckily it was that much-beloved crowd pleaser: pizza. Ah, pizza, so versatile! A yummy favorite that can accomodate innumerous dietary restrictions and varied accounts of taste. I was glad that I had chosen to make 2 of those 8 inch medium sized cheesy wonders.
Your single glance at the 'adult' pizza told me that you would not be partaking of it. (I guessed as much by your comments of "Ewwww, onions make me gag!" and "Yuck....banana peppers. Nasty!" These comments were of course, accompanied by unneccesary facial contortions, hand gestures, and the timeless 'fake-vomit' gesture.) This was all actually a good thing, since my husband generally likes to eat a whole one of these himself.
So you had to resort yourself to grazing over to the 'kids' pizza. Classic pepperoni and cheese at its finest. What you are not aware of is this: the children and I cannot consume a whole of these pizza pies in one evening. I know this, and I still make too much on purpose. You see, reheated pizza is one of the best lunches a busy mom can have. But guests are guests, and I consigned myself to not having seconds on the following day. What I didn't consign myself to was not even being able to eat firsts! You really should make a note to yourself that a guest should not help themselves to six slices of an eight-slice pizza.
But all that aside, Person, for now at least. We have two major areas of congregation in our home. The study is mostly off limits to guests, as that is where school studies and work are dealt with. The other is the living room. Cluttered, comfy and inviting.
Person, I know you realize we have an extensive collection of videos and DVDs available to watch. This does not mean I am a rental agency. So no, I wouldn't let you take just those 7 DVDs with you to watch at your other friend's house. This also does not mean that you can take the disc I was watching out of the player and pick your own from the shelf. Especially not when the movie of your choosing happens to be a 2 and a half hour badly dubbed French werewolf movie that I have already viewed 42 times.
The thing about my house is, Person, that I keep a variety of pillows and blankets folded (quite out of the way) in the corner of the living room. These come in handy when you want to wrap up on the couch, or when the children have friends over for sleepovers. I am, also, very particular about these items. You see, I would not let you crawl into my personal marriage bed to get comfortable. So I don't know why you thought it would be okay to dig through the pile of (neatly folded) blankets to find "the softest one." Do you wonder why you couldn't find it? Because, I had the 'softest one.' Strange how I like things like that in the comfort of my own dwelling.
Now despite all of the above mentioned things there is one finality that I cannot overlook. See, I put up with a lot from you that evening. Not the least of which was that you dropped by unannounced at 6 pm on a Monday evening after a long 3-day weekend. The problem was that apparently you didn't notice something I figured was quite obvious. After 9 pm, when the children were bathed and sent to bed, did you not wonder why my husband and I had quit contributing to the conversation and were trying (without too much subtlety) to hide our yawns? I know you lead a mostly responsibility-free existence, but a lot of us do not. Yes I am aware that I work from home, and that the boys are homeschooled. That does not mean we do not rise early. When i finally ushered you out of the hosue at 11 pm did you not notice the coldness of my goodbye? Or the fact that I hastily shut the door behind you? Or the sound of the deadbolt being quickly thrown into place? Or maybe the fact that I turned the porch light off before you had even reached our front steps?
Maybe not. But I do hope notice that I will not be answering your knock in the future.
Yours Truly (Fed Up),
Occupants of the Home You Will Never Enter Again
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