My own personal Emmy Awards, Part I

After a few glorious months of watching cable, I have taken it upon myself to grade the shows and even the commericals we so graciously pay $50/month for. The so-called Real Emmys are a trumped-up lot of fluff that, in my ever-so-humble opinion, have nothing to do with actual viewers' opinions. And, of course, my categories will not resemble the Real ones in any way, shape or form. But mine are probably better. Oh, and I also just threw in a bunch of comments about stuff kinda randomly.



So the winners for 2009, (which I dub the Year of the Nurse Show) are:





The winner for the show with the most superfluous amount of judges, hosts commentators, etc goes to: Iron Chef America. Really, how many frickin' people need to be in the hallowed Kitchen Stadium at any given time? Is Alton Brown that hard up for money? And why can't he just be the one to walk around and report what's going on on the floor? Do we even need that other guy whsoe name no one can ever remember anyway??



The winner for the show that proves a girl really will do almost anything to get on TV: Man vs. Food. Have you ever paid any attention to how many chicks go up and kiss the man I believe to be the nastiest, greasy slob to ever grace a cable network?



The winner for the company whose cheesy commercials are most likely to bring tears to your eyes: AT&T. Come on, tell me that "lost dog" ad didn't make you tear up.



The winner for the stupidest commercial (of the week, at least): The one that begins with "1 out of every 4 women can misread a traditional pregnancy test." Seriously? Then 1 out of 4 women need to be sterilized to protect the gene pool.


The winner for the most over-done theme: Vampire Anything. Really, it's over. Move on.

The winner for the dead celebrity we're all tired of hearing about: Michael, of course. Did you really even need me to announce the answer to this one?

The winner for the dead celebrity who didn't get near enough coverage because of other events: Farrah Fawcett. Poor, poor Fallen Angel.


And let's not forget our other winners, who are all the celebrities who DIDN'T sell out to a reality show.


Honorable mentions:

Best possible new show ideas: The Kardashians Take Kosovo, Stacy London Will Do a Commerical For Anything, TLC Special Truth Be Told: I Maimed Flav-R-Flav