Is she really gonna tell a story about a vaccum??

Yes. Yes I am.

Two weeks ago what I thought was a funny incident was really an episode of karma turning around to bite me in the butt.

My kids and I were cleaning the house. We were almost done and were just vacuuming the floor. Knock on the door. To make a long story short, it was a vacuum cleaner salesman. He could see and hear my vacuum ( a beloved shop vac) running in the next room, and he still tried to sell me another. I managed to get him to go away without the use of a can of mace or a pitchfork. I thought it was funny, even if the guy was clueless and rude.

Cue a week later and my shop vac dies. Ah, karma.

90% of my house is carpeted. I tried, vainly, to keep the mess to a minimum while I waiting to go get a new vacuum. My dark blue carpet in one room looked horrible with every speck showing up. Not to mention the 3 growing boys in my house not helping matters.

So I go last night to purchase a new shop vac. I'm in the vast warehouse known as Lowe's. My mother accompanied me, because trips like this, as boring as they may seem, always turn into an adventure when she is along.

Lowe's does not have my 10 gallon shop vac in size. However, I didn't realize my own shop vac was a 5 gal. Both she & I own the same kind, and we thought they were 10 gallons. So I decided to go with was the next size up: 14 gallons. First off, in that store, with its huge ceilings and 2 mile long aisles, nothing looks "too big." The box did seem oddly large & heavy.

I get home and make dinner. Now, it had been almost a week since I had last been able to vacuum and I was jonesing for a fix. The kids, who weirdly like to run the vacuum, begged to go first. Huh-uh, sweetie. This was my new toy and I was going to take the first test run.

OldestSon and I take the shop vac out of the box. This thing is a monstrosity. It is so tall that it comes up past my waist, and I am not a short person. The tank is so large that both my younger children could fit inside. My arm could easily fit into the hose.

I tentatively turn it on. The casing is a no-nonsense gray color, like this thing knew it was built to be productive and dammit, that's what it was going to do. So basically I approached it like a sleeping tiger. And it purred. Not really, but the engine/motor/whatever just sort of gently starting humming. Okay, so far so good. I put the hose to my carpet. And the carpet actually gets pulled off the floor from the force. I swear this thing has a jet engine. It is so powerful it could probably suck the hair off my head if I cared to try it. (And don't laugh. Someone must've tried it before - how do you think those old Flow-Bee things got invented?!?)

Anything that works this good can't be cheap to run. I figure I will get a $500 electric bill for the 15 minutes I ran it. But there are some pros in this mess. If the kids are acting up and romping in their room, I can probably just put the hose to the ceiling and the force of the vacuum will hold them to the floor. If my DearHusband is working int he basement and I need his attention: Schlowock! And he will be stuck with his head to the beams yelling "Turn it off for the love of Gawd!"

Other pros: No more worrying about dealing with those pesky wasp nests that pop up in the garage eaves: just shop vac it. No more stretching to get the curtains down to wash: just shop vac it. No more worrying about Toddler trying to run out the front door: just shop vac him.

I'm gonna go sweep something......