Well, not really of course. I'd much rather take an old fashioned, cross-country train ride. Or a luxury cruise. But my friends in the little box on my desk have given me the assignment of picking a city somewhere that I would like to visit, and explain why. I have to admit that I have dug myself a comfortable little rut, and am quite happy in it. But I can tell you where I wouldn't like to visit. ((Warning: This will be filled with stereotypes complete and toall political incorrectness and some blatant rudeness. If this offends you, just walk away))
Let's stop at Australia first. No offense to Australians, I hear y'all are friendly & hospitable folks. I'm sure your country is lovely and gorgeous. However, I watch too much Discovery Channel. I could not swim at your beaches: you have 8 of the 10 deadliest sharks hanging out in those waters. Take a nice hike or even a leisurely stroll? Nope. The world's deadliest snakes and spiders live in your parts. Awwww, Amanda, but Australia has those cute little kangaroos. Wouldn't you love to see them? Again, a large and resounding NO. I've seen videos of those little buggers attacking.
Okay, let's try England. First off, it may be a horrible stereotype, but I have to say no thanks to England because of the food. Again, no offense, but y'all's stuff doesn't even have appetizing names. Blood pudding, tripe, spotted dick, fish that's been battered & fried to death and served with 'chips.' So let's skip England and try France. First of all, the French make me feel fat, even though I am not overweight. Again, the food is going to become an issue because you just don't serve enough. And I don't like wine, so I'd probably be ostracized anyway.
Italy....who can say no to Italy? I really don't have anything bad to say here. Parts of Italy are virtually teeming with wonderful History and beautiful landscapes & architecture. So Italy is a possibility.
China or Japan? I hate crowds. I hate loud noises. I hate fish. I don't think me and Southeast Asia would get along very well.
Canada I could get into. Beer and hockey. All I need is some good prize fights and I would die a happy girl. Canada is tying with Italy right now.
Egypt would be a wonderfully educational trip. I would love to walk the same lands as the Pharaohs did thousands of years ago. But I'm not big on heat. Or sand. I can spend 6 minutes on a beach and pick sand out of my ears and between my toes for a month. So I don't think Egypt would be a good choice.
Mexico?? Eh...well....see....I like to drink fresh water and I enjoy hot showers everyday. I don't like spicy food. Tequila and I parted ways many years ago.
Africa is next on our world tour. (What did you say? I'm jumping around too much for you? I don't care) I would love to see the Serengeti's and plains of Africa. I would love to take a safari tour to see those wonderful animals in their natural habitat. But see, I sort of have this base survival instinct of not wanting to get eaten. But if you go I would love to see pictures.
Ireland/Scotland/Northern Europe area. Once again, beautiful, educational & historic, peaceful, rolling greens and ancient castles. One of my greatest dreams was to take one of those walking tours of Ireland. But I would need to take an interpreter. Oh, they speak English? I'm sure they think so. Funnily enough, I love the sound of an Irish accent. Again, no offense, but I can't understand half of what y'all say.
So, is there any region I haven't offended mortally yet? I'm probably safer if I keep my feet on the soil of 3rd Street, if for no better reason than not getting mobbed by everyone I just insulted.
Let's stop at Australia first. No offense to Australians, I hear y'all are friendly & hospitable folks. I'm sure your country is lovely and gorgeous. However, I watch too much Discovery Channel. I could not swim at your beaches: you have 8 of the 10 deadliest sharks hanging out in those waters. Take a nice hike or even a leisurely stroll? Nope. The world's deadliest snakes and spiders live in your parts. Awwww, Amanda, but Australia has those cute little kangaroos. Wouldn't you love to see them? Again, a large and resounding NO. I've seen videos of those little buggers attacking.
Okay, let's try England. First off, it may be a horrible stereotype, but I have to say no thanks to England because of the food. Again, no offense, but y'all's stuff doesn't even have appetizing names. Blood pudding, tripe, spotted dick, fish that's been battered & fried to death and served with 'chips.' So let's skip England and try France. First of all, the French make me feel fat, even though I am not overweight. Again, the food is going to become an issue because you just don't serve enough. And I don't like wine, so I'd probably be ostracized anyway.
Italy....who can say no to Italy? I really don't have anything bad to say here. Parts of Italy are virtually teeming with wonderful History and beautiful landscapes & architecture. So Italy is a possibility.
China or Japan? I hate crowds. I hate loud noises. I hate fish. I don't think me and Southeast Asia would get along very well.
Canada I could get into. Beer and hockey. All I need is some good prize fights and I would die a happy girl. Canada is tying with Italy right now.
Egypt would be a wonderfully educational trip. I would love to walk the same lands as the Pharaohs did thousands of years ago. But I'm not big on heat. Or sand. I can spend 6 minutes on a beach and pick sand out of my ears and between my toes for a month. So I don't think Egypt would be a good choice.
Mexico?? Eh...well....see....I like to drink fresh water and I enjoy hot showers everyday. I don't like spicy food. Tequila and I parted ways many years ago.
Africa is next on our world tour. (What did you say? I'm jumping around too much for you? I don't care) I would love to see the Serengeti's and plains of Africa. I would love to take a safari tour to see those wonderful animals in their natural habitat. But see, I sort of have this base survival instinct of not wanting to get eaten. But if you go I would love to see pictures.
Ireland/Scotland/Northern Europe area. Once again, beautiful, educational & historic, peaceful, rolling greens and ancient castles. One of my greatest dreams was to take one of those walking tours of Ireland. But I would need to take an interpreter. Oh, they speak English? I'm sure they think so. Funnily enough, I love the sound of an Irish accent. Again, no offense, but I can't understand half of what y'all say.
So, is there any region I haven't offended mortally yet? I'm probably safer if I keep my feet on the soil of 3rd Street, if for no better reason than not getting mobbed by everyone I just insulted.
3 comments:
*giggles* Nice post I like it. I'm not offended but then I'm from America so... *shrugs*
Take me with you to Italy! But I live close enough to Canada (and I've been there before, too) that I probably wouldn't accompany you there.
I'm with you on the African safari thing: it would be nice if you could guarantee not to be eaten. Although my stepbrother went to Africa on safari and, I'm sorry to say, *he* did not get eaten. :-(
Interesting take on the topic... ;-)
Post a Comment