I woke up yesterday morning, realized it was Thursday, and then realized Sunday was Easter. And then I panicked. Three kids + no Easter baskets = mutiny. So I needed to go shopping, but that would have to wait until Dear Husband returned home from work.
I managed to get through the day. And then things got worse. They always do. But this time it was my fault since I needed to head to the dreaded and revered WalMart. Oh the great and powerful WM.
As I was walking out the door, DH decided he needed new jeans, and would I pick him up a couple of pair?? Now, the last time I picked his pants out for him, it was disaster. Even though I bought the exact size, the exact cut and the exact color he wanted, he didn't like them. They were too tight. They were too snug on his legs. I must've bought the wrong ones. Far be it for me to tell him he'd just gained a little weight.
WalMart was mobbed, as usual. But I don't think it had anything to do with the approaching holiday. People just go crazy over that big yellow smiley face announcing that this WAS $19.99 AND NOW IT'S ONLY $19.49!!!!!!
Then I head to the food section where I buy enough eggs to feed a small contingent of soldiers. I look around, but there is no egg dye nearby. Isn't WM like the king of upselling? Wouldn't putting the PAS coloring next to the eggs be a smart idea? Apparently not. Thankfully, a lady next to me was also stocking up on enough eggs to ride out the Apocalypse. She had egg dye in her cart. Oh thank you, lady who was better prepared than me for directing me to the egg dye. Which was on the completely other side of the store.
Next up was the promotional Easter candy aisle, also located in the food section. It was so crammed with carts and people that I made a game plan before I navigated through it. I have three kids. But damn near everything is packaged in twos, fours or eights. Or sixteens. Now, I'm a smart girl, but do you know what I'm going to have to go through on Saturday night assembling three baskets out of that mess? Anyway, back to my game plan. I stuck close to the shelf, and I walked, without stopping, and started grabbing three of everything I wanted. I won the Blue Ribbon for Easter shopping. I navigated that whole aisle in about 4 minutes. Go me. But I got to the end, and no egg dye here either.
So I have to traipse across the store to the aisle near the greeting cards and school supplies. Which of course, is where I would naturally think to look for egg dye. I was so flabbergasted at what I saw that I am still not over it. An entire aisle of Easter toys and doo-dads. Since when did Easter become a holiday akin to filling up a Christmas stocking?? Easter toys, Easter games, Easter yo-yos, Easter silly putty, Easter stickers, Easter Pez, Easter temporary tattoos, Easter checkers, Easter plastic jewelry, Easter....wait.... Monopoly? What?!?! Yes, there was a mini Easter Monopoly game. Now, I know in our health-conscious world we are trying to keep our kids from becoming obese. But this....this was just ridiculous. I got my egg dye and got the flock out of there.
I was one of the lucky ones. I only had to wait in line 2-3 years. I mean minutes. I was behind someone who had only a moderate cart full, she was youngish, and like me, sans-kids. That is usually a good sign. But no. She had a few coupons (I can live with that), Was that price right? (Come on lady, it rung up .21 cents extra) She was paying with a check (you couldn't have started filling that out while your stuff was being scanned?) and then wanted to chat with the cashier about how it was soooo busy and she wondered why she could never seem to get out of this store quickly. (I'll give you three guesses, but you're only going to need one)
I am getting in my car. Dear Husband calls. Was I planning on making dinner for the kids? Um....I am 20 miles away from home. That is physically impossible at the moment. And what did he really expect me to say, no, I am going to turn the kids out into the wild and let them fend for themselves. Well, the boys had some friends over, so could I maybe pick up dinner? I ask him if he could just order pizza. The kids don't want pizza, they want McDonalds. Now he knows I hate those golden arches. I hate the food, I hate the smell, I hate the whole corporation. But I am tired, and I, stupidly, agree. Okay, well.... He proceeds to give me the longest most complicated order I have ever heard. Are you writing this down? No, because I am currently doing 65 MPH on the highway, talking on my cell phone to you, and trying to keep the milk from falling on the bag with the eggs. Oh yeah, he says, I also want 2 Big Yucky Sandwiches with no lettuce, extra pickles and tomatoes. And large fries. And a shake. He is so lucky I love him.
Surprisingly, McCrap gets my order right and I manage to leave with money still in my checking account. Sort of. However, what I didn't take into account was that 6 boys between the ages of 5 and 10 don't ever really know what they want when you take their order. Everybody wanted what the other person had. I left the food in a pile on the table and left them to fight it out.
And just to really reinforce the idea that I can't get the hang of Thursdays....I let the boys talk me into having these friends over for a sleepover. Please save me.
I managed to get through the day. And then things got worse. They always do. But this time it was my fault since I needed to head to the dreaded and revered WalMart. Oh the great and powerful WM.
As I was walking out the door, DH decided he needed new jeans, and would I pick him up a couple of pair?? Now, the last time I picked his pants out for him, it was disaster. Even though I bought the exact size, the exact cut and the exact color he wanted, he didn't like them. They were too tight. They were too snug on his legs. I must've bought the wrong ones. Far be it for me to tell him he'd just gained a little weight.
WalMart was mobbed, as usual. But I don't think it had anything to do with the approaching holiday. People just go crazy over that big yellow smiley face announcing that this WAS $19.99 AND NOW IT'S ONLY $19.49!!!!!!
Then I head to the food section where I buy enough eggs to feed a small contingent of soldiers. I look around, but there is no egg dye nearby. Isn't WM like the king of upselling? Wouldn't putting the PAS coloring next to the eggs be a smart idea? Apparently not. Thankfully, a lady next to me was also stocking up on enough eggs to ride out the Apocalypse. She had egg dye in her cart. Oh thank you, lady who was better prepared than me for directing me to the egg dye. Which was on the completely other side of the store.
Next up was the promotional Easter candy aisle, also located in the food section. It was so crammed with carts and people that I made a game plan before I navigated through it. I have three kids. But damn near everything is packaged in twos, fours or eights. Or sixteens. Now, I'm a smart girl, but do you know what I'm going to have to go through on Saturday night assembling three baskets out of that mess? Anyway, back to my game plan. I stuck close to the shelf, and I walked, without stopping, and started grabbing three of everything I wanted. I won the Blue Ribbon for Easter shopping. I navigated that whole aisle in about 4 minutes. Go me. But I got to the end, and no egg dye here either.
So I have to traipse across the store to the aisle near the greeting cards and school supplies. Which of course, is where I would naturally think to look for egg dye. I was so flabbergasted at what I saw that I am still not over it. An entire aisle of Easter toys and doo-dads. Since when did Easter become a holiday akin to filling up a Christmas stocking?? Easter toys, Easter games, Easter yo-yos, Easter silly putty, Easter stickers, Easter Pez, Easter temporary tattoos, Easter checkers, Easter plastic jewelry, Easter....wait.... Monopoly? What?!?! Yes, there was a mini Easter Monopoly game. Now, I know in our health-conscious world we are trying to keep our kids from becoming obese. But this....this was just ridiculous. I got my egg dye and got the flock out of there.
I was one of the lucky ones. I only had to wait in line 2-3 years. I mean minutes. I was behind someone who had only a moderate cart full, she was youngish, and like me, sans-kids. That is usually a good sign. But no. She had a few coupons (I can live with that), Was that price right? (Come on lady, it rung up .21 cents extra) She was paying with a check (you couldn't have started filling that out while your stuff was being scanned?) and then wanted to chat with the cashier about how it was soooo busy and she wondered why she could never seem to get out of this store quickly. (I'll give you three guesses, but you're only going to need one)
I am getting in my car. Dear Husband calls. Was I planning on making dinner for the kids? Um....I am 20 miles away from home. That is physically impossible at the moment. And what did he really expect me to say, no, I am going to turn the kids out into the wild and let them fend for themselves. Well, the boys had some friends over, so could I maybe pick up dinner? I ask him if he could just order pizza. The kids don't want pizza, they want McDonalds. Now he knows I hate those golden arches. I hate the food, I hate the smell, I hate the whole corporation. But I am tired, and I, stupidly, agree. Okay, well.... He proceeds to give me the longest most complicated order I have ever heard. Are you writing this down? No, because I am currently doing 65 MPH on the highway, talking on my cell phone to you, and trying to keep the milk from falling on the bag with the eggs. Oh yeah, he says, I also want 2 Big Yucky Sandwiches with no lettuce, extra pickles and tomatoes. And large fries. And a shake. He is so lucky I love him.
Surprisingly, McCrap gets my order right and I manage to leave with money still in my checking account. Sort of. However, what I didn't take into account was that 6 boys between the ages of 5 and 10 don't ever really know what they want when you take their order. Everybody wanted what the other person had. I left the food in a pile on the table and left them to fight it out.
And just to really reinforce the idea that I can't get the hang of Thursdays....I let the boys talk me into having these friends over for a sleepover. Please save me.
1 comment:
I think Wal-Mart, Target, etc., are the ninth ring of hell. I've been there on a Saturday morning before Christmas, and holy crap, it was terrible. I think you deserve a medal for getting out of the store with everything!
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